Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
