Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
