i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
