Tell her she can't have a vagina
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
