Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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