I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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