I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
