he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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