Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
