When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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