Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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