i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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