I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
