i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
