I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
