Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
