I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
do herpes really smell.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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