Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
