fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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