His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
