I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
