Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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