I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
