Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
