This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
