Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
