Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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