"it" just moved
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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