You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
