you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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