I wish my penis had an off switch
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
