I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
