So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
