I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
