so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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