she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
