alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
