Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
