He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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