took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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