Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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