No awkward lesbian experiences without me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
