i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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