Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
