bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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