It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
