I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
