There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
