Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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