I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
