i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
