Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
