Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
