clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
