totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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