My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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