I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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