i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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