she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
