Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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