where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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