dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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