she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How does one acquire holy water?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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