Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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