I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
