if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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