"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
