He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
