She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
