I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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