if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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