Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
