My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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