You work out of a Hotel?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
